## Metadata * Author: [[Joan Didion]] * ASIN: B0DTQP65ZC * Reference: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DTQP65ZC ## Highlights “There’s something in you – and this long predates her birth – that makes you think you don’t deserve good things. — location: [140](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=140) ^ref-45577 --- feeling trusted being the key to separation, to growing up — location: [204](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=204) ^ref-35251 --- “You’re becoming a great deal more open. I think as you become more open you find other people are more open around you. You and I talk, you and your husband talk, you and your daughter talk – very often in these situations the whole family ends up being treated by proxy.” — location: [305](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=305) ^ref-37060 --- depression as a Darwinian adaptation, a survival mechanism – depression, if left unmedicated, eventually tells you it’s time to turn your life around. — location: [342](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=342) ^ref-24616 --- never had: my earliest picture of myself being “married” was myself getting a divorce, leaving a courthouse in a South American city wearing dark glasses and getting my picture taken. — location: [497](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=497) ^ref-65278 --- Children who sense that a parent is always worried feel insecure, from a very young age. They have no idea what the parent is worried about, so they anticipate the worst outcome — location: [550](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=550) ^ref-51215 --- in order to maintain my image of myself as young and powerful – to keep Quintana a baby, dependent on me.” — location: [655](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=655) ^ref-39783 --- Working, as you once pointed out, was the way I had found to not be there emotionally. — location: [753](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=753) ^ref-36630 --- Her father, Nick Dunne, wrote about the trial for Vanity Fair. — location: [811](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=811) ^ref-34945 --- the attachment that says you need to run her life because she can’t run it herself.” — location: [900](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=900) ^ref-24557 --- the small scale magnifies the power to control?” — location: [931](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=931) ^ref-36504 --- The ideal situation is when the mother senses the child’s growing ability – and believe me, it grows by leaps and bounds—to make his or her own decisions. Parents who themselves grew up in controlling families tend to miss these cues, or to fear them. So they extend protection beyond the point where it’s needed.” — location: [1130](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1130) ^ref-59266 --- one of the beauties of life in California was that cocktail parties didn’t exist. The distances were so great, and the way of life so Swiss, that you went to somebody’s house for dinner at 7:30, left at 10:30, went to bed and got up early. — location: [1197](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1197) ^ref-24930 --- Shyness is a form of paranoia. You assume you’re the center of attention.” — location: [1212](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1212) ^ref-44702 --- what looked like strength wasn’t just a highly developed capacity to compartmentalize. — location: [1571](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1571) ^ref-40562 --- way-west story that had been drummed into me as a child. You drop baggage, you jettison the piano and the books and your grandmother’s rosewood chest, or you don’t get to Independence Rock in time to make the Sierra before snowfall. — location: [1574](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1574) ^ref-541 --- “You’ve never lived on a budget?” I said no. I said we both assumed that we would probably have to cut back our spending. But by how much – or whether it was even a real factor – remained a mystery to me. We had made a stab at addressing the question last fall, I said. Maybe the most telling fault in our approach was that we had decided to address it in Paris, and taken the Concorde. — location: [1629](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1629) ^ref-19098 --- I said that each of us had become exceedingly reluctant to go anywhere or do anything without the other. — location: [1642](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1642) ^ref-28737 --- our oldest friends were in New York, and they were, but for 24 years they had been forging a community without us, and we had been in a different community. And suddenly we weren’t exactly in either one. — location: [1716](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1716) ^ref-45279 --- “There’s typically a good deal of stress between adolescent daughters and their mothers. They have to push the mothers out of their lives. They have to make sure they’re dead. Then they feel guilty about it. Sometimes the stress is such – partly because it has to do with sex, and that’s unmentionable – that mothers and daughters never reestablish real openness or closeness.” — location: [1777](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1777) ^ref-26254 --- It’s the way Protestants bring up children. In the interests of promoting modesty in children – a Christian virtue – they massacre self-esteem. — location: [1847](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1847) ^ref-44830 --- Everything has to be somebody’s fault in this scheme. There are no accidents. — location: [1848](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=1848) ^ref-14575 --- My colleagues who work in that area have demonstrated that shyness exists or doesn’t exist in the first few hours of life. Touch a shy baby, the baby flinches, or withdraws. It’s in the neurological wiring. They absolutely inherit it.” — location: [2053](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=2053) ^ref-30324 --- “I couldn’t agree with you less. College is, or should be, about discovering the world. — location: [2082](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=2082) ^ref-40916 --- We had for example once spent an entirely arduous day visiting a Palestinian refugee camp outside Amman. Nothing came of this, but that one experience had enabled me to know from the outset that Arafat would be unable to control the generation of Palestinians growing up in the camps. — location: [2227](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=2227) ^ref-42421 --- She knows it’s because you love her, she got that message. But she associates love with worry. She doesn’t know that it’s possible to love someone without constantly worrying about him or her. She thinks she has to worry about you, because she loves you. — location: [2345](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=2345) ^ref-19393 --- “Textbook. The need to win over, to charm. The anger, the self-pity. He doesn’t attach, he seduces.” — location: [2751](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0DTQP65ZC&location=2751) ^ref-51768 ---